The Second Chance
by AzOOAK
Summary: All human. Sequel for "The Secret". Set in Paris, France. It's been three years since Alec's death, and Magnus has been trying to take care of their son, Lewis, by himself and at the same time coping withoug Alec. But an unsuspected phonecall from the hospital in Toulouse, France, changes his entire life in a way he hadn't ever imagined could be possible.
1. Chapter 1

It had been three years since Alec's death, and Magnus still wasn't sure how to cope without him. He'd wake up without Alec by his side, and his world would crumble down around him, reminding him that Alec was gone. He tried his best to be strong when he was around Lewis, but something as simple as cooking could make him break down completely. He hadn't had any contact with his friends, other than the ones he knew through Alec.

Through the last three years, Magnus' life had revolved around Lewis. School had gotten a lot better for him since he started talking to Jade every day, and she had even stayed with them for a weekend every once in a while. She had been with them on their last camping trip during the summer, and it almost seemed like their home were her second home. He was rarely at her house, but Magnus didn't mind. She had been nice to Lewis when the other kids weren't, so he liked her.

Magnus was sitting in the bedroom when he got a call. He had been sitting on the bed, reading Alec's second published book, and he put it down and got his phone from the nightstand, picking up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Is this Magnus Bane?" It was the voice of a young woman on the other end.

"Yes, it is. Who am I speaking to?"

"My name is Sarah Cornett; I'm a doctor at the hospital in Toulouse. I'm calling because one of our coma patients have woken up, and since we haven't had any ways of identifying him before now, we haven't been able to contact anyone. He told us to call you as soon as he woke up, even before he got anything to eat or drink or anything, so I figured I'd call you myself. His name is Alexander Lightwood."

Magnus sighed heavily, looking at the book. "I'd like to believe that it's Alec, but it's not. Alexander Lightwood died in a plane crash three years ago, and he was cremated, and I buried his ashes three years ago."

"I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Bane, but could you possibly come and see him? No matter who he is, he seemed desperate to see you."

Magnus sighed, getting out of the bed. "It's a six hour drive at best. I'll be there tomorrow morning; I have to get someone to take care of my son."

"I understand, sir. I'll tell him that you'll be arriving here tomorrow morning. Drive safely."

"Yeah, whatever," Magnus said and hung up. He'd be driving all night, and for what? To see some guy, who thought he was being funny? For once, Lewis was at Jade's house, and maybe, if he was lucky, Jade's mother would agree to having Lewis there for a few days.

* * *

_About 30 minutes later_

Knocking on the front door of the big house, Magnus sighed. He still couldn't believe he was doing this. After a moment, Jade's mother opened the door, smiling at him. "Hello, Magnus. Is something wrong? Lewis said you were picking him up after dinner."

Magnus flashed a smile at her. "No, not at all, Katja. Thing is, I have to drive to Toulouse through the night, so I was wondering if you would mind if Lewis stayed here for a couple of days? I know it's school nights, but-"

"Oh, I don't mind at all, and I'm sure Jade doesn't either. Do you want me to go get him, so you can tell him?"

"That would be great, thanks."

After a few moments, Lewis appeared at the door. He had grown well – he was tall for an 11 year old. He looked up at Magnus with an impatient look in his eyes. "What's up, dad?"

"Hey buddy," Magnus said. "I have to drive to Toulouse through the night, and I don't know when I'm coming back, so you'll be staying here for a few days, alright?"

As expected, Lewis was fine with it. They said their goodbyes, and Magnus got back into the Impala, driving off. He stopped at a gas station, buying a six pack of Red Bulls to keep him going through the night. He thanked God that he had let himself sleep in that day.

* * *

_7:15 the next morning _

Getting out of the car and locking it, Magnus walked up to the hospital. He had been at a motel for about an hour, getting at least a bit of sleep, so that he wasn't a tired mess. The automatic doors opened as he approached, and he walked inside the white building. At the reception he asked, not without cringing a bit, what room Alexander Lightwood was in. As soon as he had been told, he took the elevator to the floor, shortly hesitating at the door to the room. It couldn't be Alec, but he was nervous none-the-less.

Opening the door, he froze. There, in the bed, sat Alexander. _His _Alexander. Tired blue eyes, pale skin, dirty hair, and a few scratches on his face and arms, but it was really him. Alec looked up at him and smiled gently at him. "Maggie," he said; his voice raspy and dry as if he hadn't spoken for months. But then again, he hadn't, besides a bit the night before.

Magnus held his hand over his mouth, backing up against the wall nearest him. Tears were already running down his face. "How can you be here? How can you be alive? I buried you!"

"Did you see the body?"

Magnus shook his head. He hadn't seen the body, but Isabelle had, and she wouldn't be wrong about this, and no one could look that much as Alec. But Alec's face and body had been smashed up, the eyes the only thing recognizable. Magnus' train of thought was interrupted when Alec spoke again.

"Magnus, Will was on that plane. Have you talked to him since then?"

Again, Magnus shook his head. Was it really possible that Will was the one dead, not Alec? Magnus knew Will and Alec's eyes were incredibly similar, but would Isabelle really mistake them?

Magnus walked slowly over to Alec. He had to touch him, to feel his skin under his fingers, to run his hands through his hair, kiss him – he had to _know_ that this was real and not just some hallucination.

As Magnus touched his cheek, Alec let out a sigh of relief. He needed Magnus' touch to keep from freaking out. He couldn't even imagine what Magnus had been through. "Magnus," he breathed out, letting his eyes slip shut. "Please kiss me."

Magnus obliged, leaning forward, down towards his lips, and he kissed him, gently, trying at first. Then he became greedier; pressing his lips harder against Alec's, demanding more. He had never needed to kiss Alec this much, had never felt like stopping would be like stealing his oxygen. Alec tasted like he had just recently brushed his teeth, even though he still had a bit of a morning breath. After about a minute, he pulled back to catch a breath, but only very slightly. He could still feel the brush of Alec's lips again his own, as they both struggled to catch their breath. Alec's breath tickled a bit, but there was no way he was pulling farther away.

Alec looked at him, into his eyes. "You haven't… Met someone else, have you?"

Magnus pulled back, brows furrowed and he looked at Alec. "No, of course not. You're the only one I ever want to be with."

Alec smiled a bit. "Sorry. I just… It's been three years, so I didn't know- … How's Lewis been?"

Magnus smiled. Of course he would ask about Lewis – even if Magnus had forgotten him for a short time. "He's been… Good. It's been hard without you, of course, but he's been okay. He's got a really good friend named Jade who comes over almost every day."

Alec nodded and his smile got wider. He couldn't wait to see how much Lewis had grown, and just- see him again. Hear about school and this Jade girl. Hear about what he liked to do in his free time. He couldn't wait to get to know his son again, and he couldn't wait to get back to his life with Magnus. Even though it didn't feel like three years to Alec, he knew it had been, and he urged to kiss Magnus, to touch him, to just be around him. "I hope it wasn't too much trouble getting here."

"A six hour drive. It's worth it to get back the love of my life, though."

"Are you staying anywhere around here?"

"A motel not too far away. Why?"

"Well, the doctor ran some tests and she said that I had recovered fine after the crash, and as soon as someone could pick me up, I'd be free to go. So we could go there. I bet you're tired."

Magnus nodded and smiled. Helping Alec out of the bed – he was a bit weak – he helped him put on some proper clothes instead of the thin hospital gown. Afterwards, they went down to the reception.

* * *

_20 minutes later_

Snuggling closer to Magnus, Alec put his arm around his chest. Pulling him as close as he possibly could and breathing in the sandalwood scent, he rested his head on the left side of Magnus' chest. Magnus was almost asleep after Alec had gotten out of the shower, but had woken up when Alec opened the bathroom door. He had smiled lazily and begged Alec to get into bed with him.

Magnus couldn't remember the last time he had been this happy. His left arm wrapped tightly around Alec's shoulders, he felt more content than he had for three years. Alec smelt like motel shampoo and the old sweater he was wearing, but Magnus didn't care. All that he care was that his Alec was back in his arms, something he hadn't believed could ever happen again.

And this time, he wasn't going to let him go. So for now, he'd enjoy the feeling of having Alec close to him, even if just for a few minutes before he fell asleep.

He just hadn't expected Alec to be gone when he woke up.

* * *

_**AN: Alright guys. Here goes the start of the sequel! Hope you like it so far, and I hope you'll stick around for it. **_

_**Review and tell me what you thought! **_

_**Lea**_


	2. Chapter 2

Alec got out of bed, sighing. He wanted a change of clothes, something he hadn't been wearing in a plane crash. He looked at Magnus, who had fallen asleep almost immediately. Alec smiled. He should wake him up and tell him he was leaving, but he looked so peaceful and happy that Alec simply couldn't. He got up and took Magnus' wallet from the nightstand. Luckily he and Magnus had had a joint account with a joint credit card, and Magnus still had that card, and it would still be the same code.

Putting on his old clothes and grabbing the car keys and the key for the room, he exited the motel room and got into the car, driving to the city. There was a bunch of stores and shops, but none Alec had ever been in before, so he just decided to give one of them a go, and walked in to see a little colorful decorated shop. The walls were hot pink, but all the decorations hanging from the ceiling were green and blue. Alec raised an eyebrow at the shop's interior, but decided to look around. Almost immediately, a man walked over to him.

"Hello, sir," he said, flashing a charming smile. "How may I be of service today?"

Alec couldn't help but frown a bit. "Don't call me sir. My name's Alec. Do you have any… regular clothes? Something that's not all bright colours and stuff?"

"Certainly, si- … Alec. Is it for you, or anyone you know?"

"It's for me."

The man nodded. "Alright. If you would follow me – my name is Joshua, by the way – I think we have something that would suit you perfectly. Now, I know you said no bright colours, but hot pink t-shirts are very popular, and I think we have one a bit tight to show off your shape."

"I'm sorry, Joshua, but how old do you think I am? I think I'm a bit old for stuff like that."

Joshua stopped to look at him. "I don't know. You look somewhere around 25, maybe a bit older, even though you look tired and pale. Why? How old are you?"

"I'm thirty-fo- thirty-seven. I'm thirty seven."

Joshua's eyes widened slightly, and for a second Alec could've sworn he saw an excited glint in his eyes. "You must take good care of yourself, then. Now, I think I have something that would suit you perfectly."

After half an hour or so, Alec had several new shirts and two new pairs of jeans. As he got out from the fitting room in his own clothes, Joshua looked at him.

"How much of it will it be, then?"

"All of it, I think. It was some nice things."

Joshua smiled and nodded, taking the stack of clothes from Alec's arm. As they walked to the check out, he spoke again. "I'm off from here right about now. Let me buy you a cup of coffee or something at the café down the street?"

Alec's eyes widened and he looked up at him. He hesitated. "I shouldn't…"

"Oh, come on. One coffee and you'll never have to see me again."

Alec sighed, getting out the credit card as Joshua was running the things through the checkout. "Fine, but a quick one."

* * *

Sipping his hot chocolate, Alec looked at some of the other people at the café. Joshua was looking at him from the other side of the table, but Alec honestly felt a bit uncomfortable. It had been a long time since he'd had coffee – or anything really – with anyone but Magnus, and he wasn't even sure why he'd agreed.

"So, Alec," Joshua said, catching his attention. Alec looked over at him. "What do you do?"

"Oh, I'm an author. Not as glamorous as it sounds. What about you? How did you end up working in a clothes shop?"

"Actually," Joshua said after setting down his cup of coffee. "I own the shop. Every once in a while, I just come in to help a bit, get out of the office, practice my people skills, you know? Even if it is a bit creepy for a 35-yearold to pick out clothes for young people."

Drinking the last of his hot chocolate and sitting down the cup, he looked up at Joshua and smiled. "Sounds good. I've got to get back to the motel, though."

"What's the rush? Stay for a bit."

"No, I've gotta go. I'm going back to Paris later, maybe tomorrow. I gotta go."

Joshua nodded. "At least let me drive you," he said, offering a half smile.

"Nah, I've got my car down the street. It's not far from the shop, so I'm fine," Alec said. He felt a bit bad about letting him down all the time, but he had to get back before Magnus woke up. He got out of the seat, said goodbye to Joshua and left the coffee shop.

* * *

He couldn't leave the room. He couldn't go anywhere. What if Alec came back and he wasn't there? But he couldn't just sit around without doing anything. This was _Alec_, and he wasn't about to lose him again, there was no way, but what was he supposed to do? Alec didn't have a phone – it was destroyed in the crash so long ago – so he couldn't call him. The police would hardly go looking for him when it had only been a few hours.

Magnus was pacing from wall to wall when the door finally opened, Alec slipping inside with a few bags in his hands. Magnus gave a sigh of relief, rushing over to him and wrapping his arms around him. Alec gasped and dropped the bags in his hands. He snaked his arms around Magnus' waist, pulling his head back a bit.

"Don't ever leave like that again! I was so scared I'd lost you again, oh my god, Alec. Where were you?"

"Magnus, relax. I was just out getting some clothes and some coffee. I was going to wake you up and tell you, but you seemed so much at peace, and you were driving all night, so I let you sleep. I'm sorry I scared you."

Magnus leaned down and kissed him. He had been so scared, terrified, that Alec was gone again, that he had made all of it up, and Alec really had been dead all along and it was just a stupid dream. Pulling back, Alec looked up at him.

"Hey," Alec said, looking into his eyes. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Magnus nodded, pulling him closer again and hugging him. If he could have hugged him forever, he would, but his stomach started rumbling. Alec pulled back and looked up at him with an amusing glint in his eyes.

"Let's go get some breakfast for you, shall we?"

* * *

"Please, baby? Can't we stay for just a few days? I just want you to myself for a while," Magnus said, rubbing his thumbs against the soft skin on Alec's hips. They were standing next to the bed, had been for a little while. He had pushed Alec's shirt up a bit. Alec's abs had almost disappeared over the years in a coma, but the outline was still there. Magnus wanted to push him down, to kiss him, to touch him, to show just how much he missed him. But for once, Alec just wanted to stop and talk for a while.

"Maggie, I want to see Lewis. What is he now, eleven?"

Magnus nodded, leaning closer to Alec. He started kissing Alec's neck, and Alec leaned his head back, giving Magnus better access. He gave a satisfied sigh, but pushed at Magnus chest, making him pull back. Magnus looked at him.

"Allie, please…"

"Can't we just talk for a little bit? I want to know everything that's happened over the last three years. What's with you, anyway? You haven't been like this for years."

"Three years, Alec. I _lost_ you. I've been alone for so long. I cried every day because everything reminded me of you, or losing you, or everything we've been through. Sometimes I'd cry just from looking at Lewis, because I'd remember the first time we saw him."

"You've been there for him though, haven't you?"

"Of course. What kind of father do you think I am? I love him, and I knew that's what you would've wanted me to do, so of course I did."

Alec nodded and smiled. "Good."

Reaching up, Magnus clasped his hands together behind Alec's neck. Alec looked up at him and smiled a bit wider, reaching forward and placing his hands on Magnus' hips. "I love you, Allie-bear."

Alec laughed at the nickname. "I love you too, Maggie."

"So can we stay for a little while? I can call Katja, she's Jade's mother; she won't mind Lewis being there for a few more days."

Alec sighed, but smiled up at him. "Only a few days, Mags. I can't wait to go home."

* * *

Taking Magnus' hands and intertwining their fingers, Alec smiled. He knew how much such simple things meant to Magnus, now that Alec had been gone for so long. Even if he hadn't felt the same pain of losing his husband, his hands would still twitch to touch Magnus, and with his body wrapped up in Magnus arms, he felt happier than he had in years, just for making Magnus happy. That was all he wanted to do – see Magnus be happy, do anything for him.

They were walking down the street from the motel now, hand in hand of course, to get to a small supermarket not very far away. There was a small kitchen area in the motel room, so they wanted some food they could make. They had already tested out the stove – there was no oven – and the microwave, and the refrigerator was already on and two of Magnus' Red Bulls were in there, still cold. They might not be able to have a feast, but a decent home cooked meal shouldn't be much trouble.

"What do you do now? I mean, ever since you stopped modeling, and I don't know if my books are still enough to support you two, when I haven't written anything for years."

"Your books are still more than enough. People still love them. Your death was all over the papers at first, so people started buying even more of your books."

Alec nodded. "That's good. So at least I was still good for something."

"Alec!"

The couple stopped and turned around to face the voice. A few meters behind them were Joshua. His brown hair was ruffled from the wind, and he was out of breath as if he'd been running.

"Hey, Joshua," Alec said, looking at him.

"I thought you were leaving for Paris two days ago," Joshua panted.

Alec nodded. "Yeah, so did I. But Magnus wanted to stay for a few days before we leave, so we decided to stay for a while. Oh yeah, this is my husband. Mags, this is Joshua. He helped me find my new clothes."

When Alec looked over at Magnus, he didn't look to happy. He was giving Joshua a smile, but it was fake; Alec could easily see that.

"I didn't know you were married," Joshua said with a slight disappointment in his voice. They stood and talked for a little while, before Joshua left again, and Magnus just continued towards the supermarket. When Alec turned around, he had to run a bit to catch up to Magnus.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Magnus said with a cold voice. "Come on, we have to get stuff and get home and cook. I'm going to bed early tonight."

* * *

_**AN: Hey guys!**_

_**Here's the second chapter - hope you liked it. I don't have much to say about it, really, so just review and tell me what you thought. **_

_**Lea**_


	3. Chapter 3

"Magnus, hand me the salt," Alec said, holding his hand out to Magnus. Alec was cooking their food – just spaghetti and meat sauce – and Magnus was pouting on the bed. Since there wasn't much counter space, they had left the plastic bag on the bed, next to Magnus. Magnus glared at the plastic bag, then Alec, and then he went back to looking at nothing particular.

"Get it yourself."

Alec turned around, letting go of the spoon he had been using to stir in the sauce. Looking at Magnus, he gave a heavy sigh. "What's wrong with you? I know you're pissed off about something, but you can't even get off your ass to hand me some salt?" Walking over to the bed and taking the plastic bag, Alec pulled a chair over to the kitchen section of the room and sat the bag on it. "If something's so fucking wrong, say it, because I hate upsetting you, but I obviously have somehow, so can't you just … _talk _to me?"

"I'd really rather not."

Slamming his hand into the closet above the stove, Alec groaned in anger. He turned to look at him again. Magnus looked up at him at the sudden burst of rage – Alec was usually such a calm and collected person. Alec's brows were furrowed in anger, he was glaring at Magnus.

"Would you just pull yourself together for once? You know how this ends, Magnus! You don't talk to me, we fight, and we don't talk for days, and I hate that! I know it's not easy when you thought I was dead for three years and didn't have any responsibility to anyone other than Lewis, but even you know this!"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't be going out with other guys when you're married."

Turning to the sauce again, and stirring in it with one hand, Alec wiped away a sole tear that had escaped him. His eyes were burning. "I had coffee with him; I didn't go out with him, Magnus. There's a difference. And if that's what this is all about, what's even the problem? I'm not allowed to have friends?"

"He didn't know you're married, Alec! How do you think that makes me feel? Am I just an unimportant factor in your life? I don't even matter, do I? What's even worse is that you were flirting with him right in front of me! So I'm sorry if I get a bit jealous, Alexander, but I lost you once, and I'll go through anything before I lose you again!"

Dropping the spoon into the sauce, Alec cursed under his breath. "You're… You're not going to lose me. I love you, Magnus, and there's no way I'm leaving you. There's no reason to be jealous. Don't you trust me one bit?"

"It's not you I don't trust, it's everyone else. I had to steal you away from somebody else – why wouldn't someone want to do the same?"

Alec turned to look at Magnus, but Magnus was standing right behind him. Stopping and looking up at him, Alec reached forward to take Magnus' hand. "I love you so much, Maggie, why don't you understand that? I married you, we adopted Lewis together; I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you no matter what happens."

Leaning his head in, Magnus kissed him softly, pulling him closer by the hand. Pulling back, Alec broke off the kiss and looked at Magnus again. "Won't you please just trust me to say no to everyone else?" he whispered. Magnus sighed and leaned his forehead against Alec's and shut his eyes.

"I told you. I do trust you."

"If you did, you wouldn't be that jealous."

"I'm always going to be jealous of the people you're spending time with, Alexander."

Alec pulled back and turned away. "So you're telling me I can't spend time with anyone else?" he asked, picking up the spoon again and stirring the sauce. He realised he never put salt in, so he reached into the plastic bag on the chair, taking the salt, opening and putting some in the sauce.

"I'd love to tell you that, but it's not my decision. I just… Don't want you having coffee or going out with other guys," Magnus said, reaching around Alec's waist and pulling his lower body a bit closer.

Alec spun around and looked at him again. "So I can only have girl friends, is that what you're saying?"

Magnus looked him in the eyes. "I-"

"Don't bother. Forget it."

Pushing off Magnus' hands, Alec moved to leave the room. He paused in the doorway, getting the key for the room on the nightstand along with the car key and walking back to the door. "Cook for yourself. I'm leaving." And then he did just that – left.

* * *

Taking the last bite of his food, Magnus looked out of the window for maybe the hundredth time since Alec had left. He had tried going after him, but by the time he got out of the door, he couldn't see Alec anymore. So he had gone inside, finished the food – burnt it too, because he had been thinking about Alec – and ate by himself.

He hadn't meant to upset him. Even though he was hurt and jealous, he didn't want Alec to be upset, that was the last thing he wanted. That's why he never talked about the problems he might have – he didn't want to hurt him, or make him feel like anything was more important, because nothing ever was. But it always ended up the other way around, with him hurting Alec _because _he wasn't telling him about it, and he hated it.

He wondered where Alec had gone. He must have gone out for dinner, right? He had to eat something. He couldn't starve because they had a fight, could he? But where would he go?

And he had to come back eventually. He wouldn't leave like that if he wasn't going to come back eventually. He had taken the room key, so Magnus couldn't leave. He wouldn't be able to get inside again, and it could be some time before Alec got back, and he'd be stuck outside the door.

Maybe that was why he had taken it, really. So Magnus couldn't go after him for once.

* * *

He was sitting in the car, crying. Not sobbing, no, there was total quiet except for his breathing, and the tears were just running down his face. He wanted to go back in and talk to Magnus, but he couldn't. He wanted to show Magnus that he wasn't weak. Not this time. This time he wasn't going back out.

But he didn't want Magnus to follow him either, so he had taken the room key. He needed to think, and that always seemed impossible around Magnus. He was almost like he demanding being the center of all of Alec's thoughts at any given time.

He didn't want to go anywhere and eat. He had lost his appetite, and truth be told, he hadn't been that hungry before either. He realised he had stopped crying, and now he was really just angry. He needed to do something to get his thoughts off of Magnus for a little while – and then it hit him.

He started the car and drove off.

* * *

_3am that night _

Finally pushing the key in on the third try, Alec pushed the door open. Pulling the key out of the door again, he walked in and let the door shut behind him by itself. He tried to be quiet, as to not wake Magnus, but the last few drinks he had had was making his vision slurred, and he tripped over a chair. Cursing under his breath, he got up.

He had been at a bar for several hours. It was pure luck that he remembered the address and was able to call for a cab, the motel was too far away to walk, and drunk as he was, he still had enough common sense not to drive the car. Tugging the car key in his pocket, he had had the bartender call for a cab for him, and she had waited for the cab with him and helping him get inside.

Stripping to his boxers and tripping over several articles of his own clothing now scattered on the floor, he eventually found his way to the bed in the dark, and he got into it. Luckily he got into bed on the right side, Magnus being on the left side.

Snuggling closer to Magnus, he rested his head on his pillow next to Magnus' shoulder and rested his hand on Magnus chest. He lay there for a while, just listening to their breathing and feeling Magnus' chest rise and fall with every breath he took.

He didn't care about their problems now. He didn't care one bit. All he cared was that this Magnus was real, that this Magnus loved him, and that he knew every little part of him.

While he had been in a coma, he had had a dream – as one often has. He had dreamt that he had been in a coma (weird, right?), and he had woken up. He had told the nurses to call Magnus, to find him, to make him come and see him. But no such man existed, and Alec had never been married, nor did he have a son. He had made him up in his coma, dreamt of the man of his dreams, and it had all been so real to him and over such long time that he believed it. And that was the absolute worst thing he could imagine.

He knew they fought, and he knew that anyone who saw them separately would think they weren't compatible at all. They were each other's opposites. But he also knew that they were perfect for each other – individual imperfections and fights and differences, and all that mattered to them were each other.

Eventually, he heard his own breathing slow, and he fell asleep. It never occurred to him that he never put a duvet on, and that he was lying there in only boxers. But all of that didn't matter anyway, because he had Magnus, and if he could have him forever, he would be the happiest man on Earth.

* * *

_**AN: Hey guys! Third chapter up. You've been getting updates quickly lately, huh? Don't know how long that will last though.**_

_**Also, I've started school again this week (I've already had four new classes, only one of them I'm actually excited about - which would be psychology). I hope I can still update somewhat regularly, though, but I suspect you'll be okay if it takes a few weeks sometimes. You were the last times. **_

_**Other than that, I don't have much to say. If you have any questions, PM me here or send me a message on my Tumblr (sparklesbeforeducks), and I'll answer as soon as possible. **_

_**Review if you like**_

_**Lea **_


	4. Chapter 4

When the next morning arrived and Alec woke up, Magnus was sitting in the arm chair staring at him. His head was leaning on his hand, his arm leaning on the armrest by the elbow, and his legs were crossed. Magnus sighed. "You're awake," he said, not exactly angry, but far from happy, too.

Alec blinked a few times, willing himself not to go back to sleep or give in to the headache softly, and then more demanding, pounding in his temples. He needed to talk to Magnus, needed to apologize – but the slowly increasing headache was making sure he could barely sit up. _God_, he shouldn't have had that much to drink. And without eating anything, it was much worse. Oh well, at least he hadn't thrown up. "Did you-" he started, but stopped and brought his hands to his head. The sound of his own voice rumbled inside his head, filling up his skull like it was trying to make it explode.

Magnus sighed again and got up. He was not in a good mood – but then again, who would be? Alec hadn't exactly been kind to him the night before, saying those awful things, storming out, and not coming back before 3am. He only knew what time it must have been, because he vaguely remembered that the bar closed at 2:30, and the bartender had to kick him out.

Before Alec realized what's happening, a soft hand was around his wrist, gently helping him up in a sitting position. Then he was handed a glass of water. He knew they don't have any pills, but he would kill for a few. He took a few sips, but having something cold sliding down his throat aches more than it softens the burn that he didn't know had been there. He must have been loud the evening before, at the bar. He knew it was karaoke night, but he didn't remember participating. Maybe he didn't, maybe he just cheered. Or maybe he did actually throw up, but doesn't remember it. He didn't know, and he didn't really care. He just wanted the headache and the burn to disappear.

"Better?" Magnus asked softly, and Alec looked up at him, standing by the bed. He had almost forgotten he was there, and even if he felt horrible, this beautiful man was standing in front of him, and right now, he would do anything he asked, anything to make him happy. Happy with him, at least.

Alec nodded, not without wincing in pain. Magnus sat down on the bed, in one side while Alec was lying in the middle. He hadn't realised it, but his lower body was covered by a duvet now, even if just a thin one and he also realized that his upper body was cold; almost shivering. Magnus must have covered him when he woke up and realised Alec was lying next to him, and Alec always tended to kick off all, or part of, the duvet in his sleep. It made him feel trapped, like he couldn't move.

"I'm sorry," Alec said, almost dropping the glass of water as he tried to bring both his hands back to his temples. It hurt _so badly_. But he somehow managed to keep the glass in one hand and only bring it halfway to his head, only spilling a few drops onto his lap. Magnus chuckled and reached forward, taking the glass out of his hand and sitting it on the nightstand. "I'm sorry," he tried again, managing not to wince this time. "I overreacted last night. Are you mad at me?"

Magnus shook his head slowly, taking his now free hand and gazing down at their hands. "No," he said softly, rubbing his hand gently with his thumb. "No, I'm not mad. I was just worried about you is all. I love you, and I'm not prepared to lose you again."

"You're not going to. I really am sorry. If I had been without you for three years, I would have done the same. It's just… For me it feels like I was just on my way home in the plane, fell asleep, and woke up here, in Toulouse. I've lost so much time with you, and I don't even know it. God, I- I'm so, so sorry."

Magnus looked up at him, bringing Alec to look at him too. His eyes were just as golden green as ever, except maybe a bit less vibrant and young now. He'd aged; maybe not a lot over the years long years they had spent together, but over the years without Alec, and it's so obvious Alec's heart _aches_, because _he_ did that to the one person he would do absolutely anything for. "Stop saying you're sorry, baby. It's okay, it wasn't your fault. I came on too strong, anyway, giving you no choice but to snap at me. I just really didn't want you to be mad at me, because I just got you back and losing you again-"

"How many times will I have to tell you before you believe me? I'm not going anywhere; if you'll let me, I'll stay by your side forever. I just want you, Mags. Nothing else matters."

Magnus smiled and looked down at their hands again. Magnus' hands clean, like he had just washed them, and Alec's dirty from whatever he had been doing the night before. "Where did you go? Last night, I mean?" A thought jumped into his head. "And where's the car?"

Alec smiled a bit, looking out the window. He could see the almost empty parking lots; the Impala obviously not there. "I went to a bar almost right away. I had to get you out of my head. As you've probably noticed, I drank too much and ended up taking a cab home."

"_Probably_ noticed? You don't even have a clue how bad your breath was, and right in my face, when I woke up."

Alec chuckled and smiled again."Sorry. I went to sleep staring at you. I guess I didn't move in my sleep."

"That's only a bit creepy."

"Maybe you got a bit older," Alec said, grinning up at him. "But you're still my number one celebrity crush."

"Celebrity even?"

"Models are celebrities. Kind of, anyway."

Magnus laughed, they kissed, and spent the next full hour with playful banter, telling each other how much they meant to each other, and a whole lot of kissing, and then they left to get the car.

* * *

"Hey, Magnus, I just wanted to-"

"Sorry, Magnus can't come to the phone. What's up, Iz?" Alec lied. The phone had been ringing when he got out the shower, Magnus just looking up at him. He said he had figured Alec could answer it and tell Isabelle he wasn't dead. There was a short silence on the other end.

"Who is this?" Her voice was hesitant. That wasn't that weird, though. Who wouldn't be hesitant if they heard their dead brother's voice on the phone?

"Alec. Who else was it going to be? Who else would Magnus be spending a week in a hotel room with?"

"Alec is dead."

"I'm not, though. I've been in a coma in Toulouse."

"Give the phone to Magnus," she said, and when he was about to tell her Magnus couldn't come to the phone _again_ she interrupted before he got a word in. "I don't care if he can't come to the phone. Make him."

Alec sighed, handing the phone to Magnus. He hadn't really expected her to believe him, but still. Magnus took the phone, and talked to Isabelle, repeatedly saying, "No, I'm not kidding," and "He's real."

After a while, he hung up. Alec raised an eyebrow. "She didn't want to talk to me again?"

Magnus shook his head. "No, she was pretty… upset. I mean, who wouldn't be? But I thought she'd want to talk to you, too."

Alec nodded. "Can we go home today?"

Magnus looked over at him. "I guess, if you want. I guess it's time you see Lewis again, anyway."

Alec nodded and smiled. "Let's pack, then."

* * *

"We still have four hours left, sweetheart, just go back to sleep. You can go to sleep in the backseat if you want, there's better room."

Alec yawned. He didn't know Magnus had realised he woke up. He had fallen asleep about an hour after they had left the motel. "No, I'll just push the seat back, it's easier." He reached back to get to the handle, pulled it, and suddenly the back of the seat was lying down. He lay there, staring up for a while; he couldn't sleep.

"Why did you come to Toulouse, Mags? I mean, you thought I was dead, so why bother?" He asked. He hadn't realised it, but it had been nagging in the back of his mind for a while now. Why would Magnus go on a six hour drive to see someone he knew was dead?

Magnus shrugged slightly and glanced over at him. "Mostly to tell whoever was making fun of you to fuck off. But maybe I somehow hoped it was you, even though I knew it couldn't be. I missed you so much, and if there was even the slightest chance to see you, I would take it."

Alec nodded softly and yawned again. He was completely drained for energy, but he didn't know how to fall asleep. Then he smiled as he remembered something that always worked. "Will you sing me to sleep?"

He saw Magnus grin at him before Alec closed his eyes, shifting his weight so he was comfortable enough to fall asleep. "Does it matter what I sing?"

Alec shook his head without looking at him. "Not one bit."

There was a silence for a minute or two before Magnus started singing.

_"Couldn't believe it when I heard it_  
_It was enough to make a heartbeat stop_  
_Reminded me of the uncertain and love that we've lost_  
_I know I took our hearts for granted_  
_I never thought the sun would fail to rise_  
_How am I to understand this all on my own_

_If I knew it'd be the last time_  
_I'd try a little harder_  
_Make that goodbye last a little longer_  
_Would've held you just a little stronger_  
_If I, I knew it'd be the last time_

_You know you never see it coming_  
_Time always finds a way to pass us by_  
_But I still feel you all around me when I close my eyes_

_All the flowers on the side walk and every single tear that we cried_  
_How I wish that I could change it and bring you back tonight_

_If I knew it'd be the last time_  
_I'd try a little harder_  
_Make that goodbye last a little longer_  
_Would've held you just a little stronger_  
_If I, I knew it'd be the last time_

_So Alec, lay your head down_  
_I'll be right beside you_  
_So Alec, close your eyes now_  
_I'll be right behind you_  
_Couldn't believe it when I heard it_  
_It was enough to make a heartbeat stop_

_If I knew it'd be the last time_  
_I'd try a little harder_  
_Make that goodbye last a little longer_  
_Would've held you just a little stronger_  
_If I, I knew it'd be the last time_  
_I'd try a little harder_  
_Make that goodbye last a little longer_  
_Would've held you just a little stronger_  
_If I knew, I knew it'd be the last time."_

By the time Magnus stopped singing, there was a faint sound of snoring from Alec's seat. Alec had fallen asleep while he was singing, just like he always did. But he, Magnus himself, he had to fight not to cry. It was a song he had listened and sung along to hundreds of times since Alec's 'death', and just because Alec was back, that didn't change the memories.

He sighed, wiped away the tears and kept driving. Getting Alec back to their apartment might make him realise that those three years didn't matter, and that Alec being back was all that mattered now.

And when they got home to the apartment, and he somehow got Alec to himself without Lewis, he would have to ask Alec what those scars on his legs were. Because they looked a whole lot like something he didn't want to think about Alec going through.

* * *

**_AN: Fourth chapter guys! _**

**_Sorry it took so long - I've been busy with school, work, the TMI movie coming out and all that. So I hope you don't mind too much. Well, busy plus the fact that I only got one review last chapter, so I kind of didn't feel like it was that good, and so I didn't really feel like writing too much._**

**_The song Magnus sings is If I Knew by Every Avenue, not mine, but one of my favorite songs, and with the name changed from Lauren to Alec. _**

**_Other than that, I don't think there's a lot to say, really. I hope you liked it, and I'll try to update sooner next time. _**

**_Review and tell me what you thought!_**

**_Lea_**


	5. Chapter 5

Neither of them says anything, Alec is sort of afraid to. He's scared what the reaction might be, so he doesn't say anything, doesn't flinch – doesn't even move a muscle. Just staring. A little bit in front of him, with his back facing Alec, Magnus is standing between them.

And about a meter from Magnus is Lewis. He's not looking at Magnus, after Alec had stepped into the room he hadn't looked at him, as if everything other than Alec had seemed to vanish around him, even if that wasn't the case. Anyone would be shocked to see their dead father coming in through the door – _anyone_.

Magnus had walked in first, telling Lewis that he had someone he wanted him to meet. Lewis had seemed hesitant at first – obviously not sure how he felt about his father meeting someone new. And then Alec had walked in, and…

Silence.

Lewis had frozen completely.

Then, out of no-where, he reaches up to his arm. Pinches it – rather hard, from the look of it. Nothing more happens for a few moments, Lewis pinching his arm and Alec and Magnus just staring at him. Alec then takes a step forward, to stop him from bruising his skin too much, and Lewis takes a step back.

"You're not real," he says. His voice sounds like he's trying to convince himself rather than Alec, which is more than likely to be the case. Alec takes a breath and gives a sort of crooked half-smile.

"I'm here, Lew," he says softly. "I'm sorry I haven't been here-"

"You're _not real_," Lewis says again. "You can't be. You're dead."

Alec closes his mouth, simply tilts his head to one side and looks at Lewis. He's not sure what to do, how to convince him- maybe he's just not supposed to do anything at all, he realises. Maybe Lewis is supposed to just know, and work towards accepting it. He's not sure.

"I'm dreaming, right?" Lewis says, turning to Magnus again. Magnus' mouth slowly opens as if he's going to say something, but closes again, and when he looks into Lewis' eyes, his own eyes are full of pity. Then he shakes his head.

"No," he finally says. "You're wide awake. I didn't know how to deal with it either."

Looking away, Alec runs his slender fingers through his hair and sighs. He's tired, despite having slept for almost the entire trip home. One is never really comfortable, sleeping in a car, but it's better than not sleeping at all and being in some kind of dull slowed down reality.

It doesn't take more than a few seconds for Lewis to realise he can't deal with it. Not right now, at least. So he tells them he needs to do homework, and leaves the living room and shutting his own bedroom's door behind him.

Alec isn't sure what to do, so he just stands there for a few moments until Magnus takes a hold of his hand. Then Alec looks up at him. "I need to talk to you," Magnus says, pulling at his wrist, tugging him toward the bedroom. "Come on."

"Magnus, seriously? Lewis is right-"

"That's not what I meant. Really. I just need to talk to you."

Finally, Alec gives in, following him into the bedroom and closing the door behind them. Magnus isn't sitting down, but Alec sits down on the bed, looking at Magnus. "What's up?"

"Take off your pants," Magnus says without even thinking. He realises how it sounds as soon as the words leave his mouth. "I didn't mean it like- … never mind. Just take them off."

Alec raises his eyebrow suspiciously, but obliges, getting up and taking off his jeans. He steps out of them, leaving them discarded on the floor, and sits back down on the bed. Magnus sits down in front of him, on the floor with his legs crossed, almost between Alec's legs. As Magnus starts trailing his fingers over his legs, Alec sucks in a sharp breath. Magnus looks up at him, and then returns his attention to his legs where goose bumps are starting to appear.

"What _are_ these?" Magnus asks quietly, running his hands over what Alec hadn't realised is his scars.

As soon as he realises, though, he pulls away from Magnus' touch as if he had burned him. "You weren't supposed to see," he says, pulling the cover from the bed over his legs to cover them up.

"Well, now I've seen them," Magnus says, looks at him and starts pulling at the cover to get a closer look. "What are they from?"

Alec gives up and lets him pull away the covers. There are small, thin, scar lines all over his legs, mostly his thighs, but also covering some of the lower parts on his legs. He sighs. "Will you believe me if I tell you they're from the crash?"

Magnus gives him his best 'are-you-fucking-kidding-me' face, but his voice is calm when he says: "No. You're gonna have to come up with something better."

"I… I needed to get it out, okay?" Alec says as Magnus trails his finger over the scars again. "The pain."

"You did this," Magnus mumbles. "When?"

"For a long time. It's been a while, though," Alec says. "Well, other than that one," he adds, pointing at one that still haven't turned into a scar. There's still a crust of dried blood on it.

Magnus sucks in a sharp breath. "Why did you…"

"Our fight. I hated myself for being like that to you, and I had to-"

"No!" Magnus exclaims, staring at him. "No, you don't. I don't want you to do something like this. This hurts me more than anything ever could. Alec, every scar is a scar too much, especially when you did it to yourself. When was… the first time you did it?"

Alec is quiet for a moment, thinking back. "I must have been around 13 or 14 the first time."

Magnus mouth becomes a thin, white line. "How did I never see these?"

"Well, I'm pale, so they fit with my skin colour. Almost, at least. And I always hid them from you. How did you see them?"

"I woke up, and you weren't wearing the duvet. You usually always are, but I guess you forget when you were drunk. I was just glad you were there, and I was running my hands over your skin and- something didn't feel right on your legs. And I looked and…"

"Scars," Alec finishes for him, nodding and looking down. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. "So… Now what? What are you going to do?"

Magnus sighs and looks him in the eyes. "I need to know something before I can think about that," he says and Alec nods.

"Anything."

"How did you… After our fight. I know for a fact you didn't have anything sharp on you."

Alec smiles sadly. He's tired, and now he's sad, too. That's never been a good combination for him. "I smashed a glass at the bar. Pretended like I accidently pushed it from the counter because I was drunk. They believed me. I took a piece of glass while they were getting a broom."

Magnus looks down again, his eyes following his fingers as he trails over the scars again and again. "Was something in the glass before you smashed it, Alexander?"

"I… I think so? I don't know. Didn't look. Didn't really care."

"That's dangerous, Alexa-"

"I know that. But I don't care. I don't really do it anymore."

Magnus sighs. "What was this one for?" he asks, indicating one of the obviously older scars, but also probably the deepest one.

"That one was… My first fight with you. Remember? I don't remember what it was about, but it was back before we moved here. I threw you out of my apartment."

Magnus nods, biting his lip. He moves his hand to one of the other deep ones, and without saying anything Alec takes it as a question.

"That one was when you told me… When you told me about Lewis being bullied. I hated myself for not seeing it, but I didn't… I didn't really think. I should have told you about all of this so long ago, but instead I just kept locking myself in my office and kept doing it instead. Then I wouldn't have to face it, you know?"

"Was that why you slept in your office sometimes?"

Alec nods. "I was afraid you'd see my cuts, so I'd tell you I had to work on my book. The next day I would use the rough side of a sponge in the shower, and scrub away the dried blood, so it wouldn't be as obvious."

"But… Didn't that hurt?"

Alec bites his lip between his teeth and nods without saying anymore. He felt like a failure and a disappointment. He hadn't been able to keep it secret, and he had let Magnus down. And letting Magnus down was the worst thing that ever happened in his life.

"I love you, Alexander. I'm sorry you feel like you had to do this to yourself. I'm sorry I didn't see before. I'm sorry I talked to you about it, because I know it's the last thing you want. But I love you too much to ignore it."

Alec sighs and nods again. He's keeping his eyes on Magnus' fingers, still touching scar after scar, but thankfully avoiding the fresh one. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Magnus nods, but doesn't say anything. Instead he leans forward, kissing Alec's leg softly. Alec reaches forward, running his slender fingers through Magnus' hair several times before he settles his hand buried in Magnus' dark hair, and keeping his eyes on Magnus as the kisses gets further and further up on his leg.

"Let's change the subject, shall we?" Magnus breaths in between kisses. Alec lets his head roll back and breathes out.

"What about Lewis?" Alec says as he's closing his eyes.

"I don't care right now," Magnus says. "I just want you. You haven't let me since you woke up, and I need you."

Alec breathes out again as Magnus resumes his kissing. He nods, silently giving Magnus permission, and Magnus starts moving faster.

* * *

"Are you going to start writing again?"

They were still in bed – hadn't left it for about an hour. Alec was resting his head on Magnus' stretched arm, and they were laying against each other, fitting together like two spoons, Magnus' other arm draped over Alec's stomach.

"Of course," Alec said quietly. "I love it. I have no reason to stop."

Magnus nodded and kissed his neck softly. Alec smiled. Whenever Magnus did that, he would think of their honeymoon. Magnus had kissed him, his neck, his entire body so many times none of them had bothered keeping count. It had been so long ago, but it had still been the best time of Alec's life.

"It's unfair, though," Magnus said, breaking the trail of thoughts in Alec's head.

"Mmm?" Alec said. "What is?"

"You have my full attention all the time, but I have to fight for yours. And I have to fight your _writing_. It's not fair."

Alec smiled, turned his head back and kissed Magnus on the tip of his nose. Magnus grinned. "You don't have to fight anything."

* * *

_Opening the door to Alec's apartment, Magnus stepped inside. He had expected Alec to be sitting on the couch in the living room, but he wasn't there, Magnus knew that as soon as he stepped inside. Because there was soft music coming from the bedroom. _

_He walked over to the bedroom door, standing there for a second, just listening to the guitar's soft music, before Alec started singing inside. He had to see this, so he slowly opened the bedroom door, being sure not to make a sound. As he had hoped, Alec was sitting with his back towards the door, and his eyes probably closed as well. _

_Magnus had never known he could play guitar. Or sing, for that matter. But he sounded _fantastic_. His voice was rough, but smooth enough to work, and his fingers worked over the guitar strings like that's what he was born to do. He listened and watched. _

"Oh a good man said,  
If you're feeling dead,  
you gotta try to find a way to be alive.

This is not a game  
that you have to play.  
Don't need a reason to breathe  
just like you die.

Give me thunder, give me lightning,  
and I will give you every part of me  
Take me dancing, get me fucked up.  
Play that old guitar and we will sing.

Oh my old man said,  
you must lie in your bed  
The way you make it, no one can make it like you do.

Oh you're not alone.  
You still have a home.  
No matter what you do, my son, I'm still proud of you.

Give me thunder, give me lightning,  
and I will give you every part of me.  
Take me dancing, get me fucked up.  
Play that old guitar and we will sing.  
Yeah, we'll sing

Give me thunder, give me lightning,  
and I will give you every part of me.  
Take me dancing, get me fucked up.  
Play that old guitar and we will sing.  
Yeah, we'll sing.  
We'll sing."

_Once Alec stopped singing, he just sat there for a moment. Magnus didn't know what was going through Alec's mind, but the only thing going through _his_ mind was that he had to kiss him. They weren't together, so it wasn't right, and Alec didn't even know he was there, but how could he not kiss him after that? _

_So he silently walked over to Alec, watching him freeze as the floor creaked slightly. He didn't move, though. Just kept still. Leaning closer, Magnus started softly kissing his neck. Alec didn't do anything. _

"_You never told me you played guitar," Magnus whispered in his ear. Somehow it felt like he'd ruin something if he spoke with normal volume, so he didn't. _

_Alec didn't answer. He hadn't told him because he didn't want him to know. He didn't know why he didn't want Magnus to know – he just didn't. Somehow it felt embarrassing, even though it shouldn't be. _

_He liked it, but Magnus' kissed tickled him, so he had to softly push him away. When Magnus looked at him sadly, he gave no explanation. He just left the room to continue his daily routine._

* * *

**_AN: Fifth chapter here, woo. _**

**_This one wasn't exactly happy. Not all of it, at least. The song Alec sings is Take Me Dancing by The Maine. (Also I'm using a lot of music in these chapters, I think, so if you don't like my musictaste I'm sorry but you're going to have to deal with it)_**

**_GUYS, DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU REVIEW? I UPDATE FAST_**

**_I hope you liked it, review and tell me what you thought_**

**_Lea_**


	6. Chapter 6

_Not quite awake yet, Alec turned in the bed. He had been lying on his side, and now he moved to lie on his back. He reached over to touch Magnus' chest, take his hand, anything. But exactly what he had wanted to do was forgotten a moment later when his hand wrapped around something round, something cold, something – a metal bar. Not only that, but when he reached further, there was nothing but thin air. No more bed sheets, mattress, pillows, nothing. _

_He finally forced his eyes open – they felt like they had been glued shut, stuck together, so that he couldn't open them, and when he finally got them open his eyelids felt heavy over his eyes. He stared up at the white ceiling, his eyebrows furrowed. Their bedroom ceiling wasn't white. It had been black for years, fairy lights covering all of the ceiling to look like stars on the night sky and the walls were all light blue like the sky was on sunny days. _

_He wanted to move. He needed to move. He had to move. But his body was aching. He wondered how he had been able to move his arm without realizing how bad it hurt, but it hardly mattered, did it? He just needed to get up. His throat felt so dry, he needed something to drink, and he was so hungry, as if he hadn't eaten in days. _

_Willing himself to move, he finally sat up in the bed and managed to look around the room. Most of it was white or a bright shade of grey, but the curtains were black blinds. There was a loud beeping in the room, most likely from one of the machines standing around the bed. _

_He wondered briefly if he was in the hospital, but his thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and Magnus stepped inside. He was wearing blue scrubs and a pair of white running shoes. _

_Alec tried saying something, ask him what had happened, but the only thing he got out was Magnus' name. His throat was way too dry to talk. Magnus stepped closer quickly, carrying a glass of water Alec hadn't realised he had, and handed the glass to Alec. Alec took it and took a sip. All of the water was gone in a matter of seconds, and Alec looked at Magnus who hadn't moved. _

"_Better?" Magnus asked with a lopsided grin and Alec nodded, putting the glass on the night stand. "Well, I'm glad you finally woke up. It's been years now. We need to run some tests, to make sure you're okay, but that won't take long, and we'll get you some food immediately after, how does that sound?" _

_Alec looked up at him. "Where's Lewis?" _

_Magnus eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Lewis?" _

"_Yes, Lewis. Where is he? You didn't send him back, did you?" _

"_What are you talking about?" _

"_Our son! Lewis! Where is he?" _

"_Mr. Lightwood, I can assure you, we do not have a son. I'm just a hospital employee, and I never saw you before you went here." _

"_How can you say that? We've been married for years, we adopted Lewis together. I know we had a fight before I left, but how can you pretend you don't know me?" _

_Magnus sighed and stepped closer to the bed. "Mr. Lightwood, listen to me. I have never seen you before, and we have never had a single conversation even if I happen to have seen you before. Maybe you've seen me somewhere before. Sometimes when people are in a coma, they have dreams about someone they don't know, and make up an entire world with them, especially during longer comas like yours." _

"_No, that's not true. I love you, don't you dare pretend you don't know me." _

_Magnus' eyes softened, and Alec almost jumped when he saw that they were a completely normal green. There was nothing special about them, really – they looked like any other person's green eyes, and the golden in them was completely nonexistent. _

"_Mr. Lightwood-" _

"_Don't call me that!" _

"_I'm sorry-" _

"_Please just go. If you can't even gather the courage to acknowledge me as your _husband_, just leave. I don't want to talk to you." _

_Magnus' eyes were almost sad now, but he didn't say anything. He just left the room, and a doctor soon came in instead. Alec couldn't have just made up their entire life. They had been together for so long. He couldn't possibly just have made it all up, could he?_

* * *

Alec woke up and opened his eyes immediately. His entire body was sweaty, and the fear of their relationship not being real was still there, very clearly too. He calmed down a bit when he saw the black ceiling with the fairy lights though. But when he reached out his arm to touch Magnus…

There was just an empty bed.

He immediately sat straight up, but there was no Magnus in the bedroom to see. It was still dark outside, so it wasn't late enough for Magnus to be awake now. He listened closely, but there were no sounds in the apartment, and he got out of bed. He had to find him.

He put on a pair of sweatpants, but didn't bother putting on a shirt. The floor was cold under his feet, but he didn't care right now. He needed to find Magnus, to make sure he hadn't just made him up; he just needed a hug more than anything.

Leaving the bedroom, he saw the lights were on in the kitchen. His eyebrows furrowed. What would Magnus be doing in the kitchen? Well, he was about to find out.

As he walked into the kitchen, he heard the quiet sound of water getting heated in the kettle and the ruffling of some kind of packaging. Magnus had his back against him. The floorboards creaked under Alec's weight as he approached him, and Alec stopped dead in his tracks as Magnus turned around.

Magnus had tears running down his face, and he immediately reached up to wipe them away, and he had a pack of cookies in his other hand. His eyes were red, and he had bags under his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Alec whispered, almost afraid of the answer and completely forgetting about his own dream. What if he had done something do make this happen? What if it was his fault?

Magnus shook his hand and turned back to the kitchen table, putting the cookies down. A silent sob shook his shoulders and Alec immediately stepped closer, but something about Magnus made him feel like he didn't want to be approached now, like he wanted to be left alone.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said quietly, his voice only shaking slightly. "I didn't mean to wake you up yet."

"No, I-" Alec's voice trailed off softly before he began again. "You didn't. I had a nightmare, and I just… I just wanted a hug, but you weren't there."

Magnus sighed and nodded, turning back around and walking over to him. Neither of them did anything at first, but eventually Magnus reached out for him and wrapped his arms around his body. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Alec shook his head, and didn't say anything more about it. He just never wanted the hug to end, needed Magnus with him, so he could make sure he was still there. "Why were you crying?"

Magnus had rested his head on Alec's, so Alec could feel when he shook his head softly. "It doesn't matter."

Alec wanted to tell him that _of course it matters, I love you_, but he didn't want to push him. Not after the fight they'd had the other night. He couldn't do that again. "Another time, then?"

Magnus nodded this time. "I couldn't sleep, and you were tossing and turning constantly. I figured you had a nightmare, so I was going to get cookies and make us each a cup of tea, and then wake you up, and we could sit and talk for a while."

Alec smiled. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"I kind of figured out about that after a while."

Alec's smile widened and he looked up at Magnus, who pulled his head back to look at him too. Magnus smiled at him, and reached his hand up to run a hand through Alec's messy bed head.

"Please don't ever change, Maggie."

"Well, what would I do that for, anyway? I'm fabulous."

Alec laughed and leaned closer to him again, resting his head against Magnus' chest. "That is exactly what you are."

They were quiet for a little bit, the silence in the house only broken by their breathing. After a little bit, the kettle got so loud as it always does when the water is boiling, and it turned off by itself. They stood there for a moment longer, none of them wanting to move, before Magnus decided to break the silence.

"Now, how about that tea?"

"And cookies. Don't forget those."

* * *

It didn't take long before Alec and Magnus was back in bed. Magnus fell asleep first, seeing as he hadn't gotten any sleep at all before, he was exhausted.

Alec got into bed next to him after having been to the bathroom, Magnus already asleep. He couldn't help but smile. Magnus' arm was outstretched, his other arm lying on the mattress, so that Alec could easily lift it. He had lied down so Alec could still be comfortable even if he fell asleep before Alec got there.

Alec got down into the bed, resting his head on Magnus' outstretched arm and lifting the other arm and placing it around his waist. He lied with his back against Magnus chest. They fit together like two spoons would, perfectly formed to fit one another's shape.

It wasn't long until Alec fell asleep too, and thankfully there were no nightmares this time. He couldn't handle that again.

* * *

_**AN: Alright, sixth chapter, yay. **_

_**Hope you liked it, all that. No music in this one, though. Figured I shouldn't overdo it. **_

_**Review and tell me what you thought, and you earn my ever lasting love. **_

_**Lea**_


	7. Chapter 7

"You're such an idiot," Magnus sighed as he found a cloth, and soaked it in cold water. Alec couldn't see him, since Magnus had sat him down in a chair by the kitchen table, and his back was facing the main part of the kitchen, where Magnus was. After a moment or two, Magnus reappeared by his side, and held the cloth – now less wet, more damp – against his cheek, where a cut was still bleeding.

"I'm fine," Alec said, putting his own hand on the cloth and allowing Magnus to let go and pull his hand back. "It just stings a bit."

Magnus sighed again and sat down on the opposite side of the table. He rested his hand in one hand, propped up on the table by the elbow, with the other hand tucked behind his elbow, close to his body. "I told you I didn't want you to-"

"You took the car, how else am I gonna-"

"I didn't want you driving the car, either! God, you're such an idiot. I might be overprotective right now, but you just got out of a coma, Alexander. I don't want you driving the car; I don't want you on your bike; if you're going anywhere, call me or walk." He continued looked at him for several moments without saying anything. He looked at the bruising already there, the cuts where bruising was bound to appear soon, and the blood. "You have a little blood there," he sighed, and reached over to wipe it away gently. Alec winced, but let him do it. He could already feel the bruising underneath his skin.

"I was driving just the other day, and I was fine then, too, so don't-"

"I don't care! I wasn't fine with you driving then, either, but you didn't really give me a choice!"

"I'm sorry," Alec said quietly. He looked down on the kitchen table, not pushing Magnus' hand away, but not leaning into the touch like he usually did, either. "I didn't mean to upset you." He truly hadn't, but he had figured that since he had been fine ever since he woke up, taking his bike to the park wouldn't be a problem. He knew Magnus and the doctors had told him not to, but there had been no other problems, so why would this be one? His balance had turned out to be completely off, and he had fallen onto the asphalt, scraping his skin over the ground, creating cuts and bruises on his face, his arms, and a few on his legs too, where his pants had been ripped up.

"I know," Magnus said, and he took Alec's free hand in his own. "And I know I'm overreacting, but-"

"You lost me once," Alec interrupted, "and you won't lose me again. Right?"

"Have I really said it that many times?" Magnus asked, forcing a smile onto his face, and Alec nodded without looking at him. He had said it a lot of times. And Alec knew; he really did. But nothing good ever came out of repeating yourself.

"I'm sorry," said Magnus. "I just love you. And being without you is horrible."

"I still don't really understand it," Alec said and finally looked up at Magnus. "How you can love me. After all this time, surely you've-"

"How can you still not know? Alexander, we've been together for so long. Almost half of our lives, by now. Well, almost half of _your_ life, at least. And you still don't know."

"To be fair I _was_ in a coma for three of those years. I've hardly ever learned anything new in those years," Alec said, with a soft smile. It quickly disappeared, though. "You're just so handsome and kind and perfect, and I'm… Well. I'm me."

"Exactly," Magnus said, grinning. "That's why I love you. You're you." Alec rolled his eyes at him, but didn't say anything to it.

"Life without you would be horrible, too, you know. Probably even worse."

"Nothing is worse than being without you." Looking up at the clock on the wall, Magnus sighed and got up. "I have to pick up Lewis. Do you want to come?"

"He wouldn't want be to be there. You go," Alec said, getting out of his own chair. "I'll… I don't know. Write a bit, maybe."

"Of course he'd want you to be there, Alexander. But it's okay if you don't want to."

"No, he really doesn't. He doesn't want to be around me. Not since I got back."

"He just needs time to adjust. You're still his father."

"It doesn't matter, Mags. Jade was coming home with him today, right? There's no need -for me to be in the car too, it'll just be awkward for them. They know you."

"What if I really want you to come with me? Will you come with me then?"

"No," Alec said. He moved towards the doorway, that lead into the living room, so he could continue into the bedroom and then the office. "I'm serious; I'll be fine, okay? I won't go anywhere. I'll be in my office when you get back."

Magnus sighed, but decided not to try and convince him any further. They said their goodbyes, and Magnus left to pick up Jade and Lewis.

* * *

"You know," Magnus said, as he entered the room. He had been gone for maybe half an hour, which meant that he had hit the time pretty accurate about picking them up. It took 25 minutes to drive there and back, so Lewis and Jace would have been out pretty quickly. "Lewis adores you. He always remembered you as this sort of superhero, you know?"

Alec straightened in his chair. He had been hunched over his desk, arms crossed on the desk. He had just been staring into the wall, hadn't even touched his computer or anything. He cleared his throat. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he thought you were perfect. I remember last year in his school, when the kids had to write about their hero, and he wrote about you. You can't really think he doesn't want to be around you."

"Then why does he act the way he does when I'm around him?"

"He's scared. Don't you get it? He worried he might see you, his hero, as someone _ordinary_ all of a sudden, and he's afraid to lose you again."

Alec sighed. He heard the couch behind him squeak as Magnus sat down. "Magnus, he's _eleven years old-_"

"Exactly! And that makes it a lot harder on him. Won't you please just... Go in and have a talk with him?"

"He's with Jade-"

"No, Jade didn't come today. Katja called me when I was just about to start the car, and asked if it would be okay if they were together tomorrow instead, so Lewis could have a little time with you, which I think is a great idea-"

"So I took his best friend from him, too? Whoa, that's great, I'm sure he loves me now."

"Just go and talk to him and stop being so negative, you ass. You're going in there even if I have to drag you in there myself."

Alec rolled his eyes, even though Magnus could not see it. He already knew what he would see when he turned around – Magnus lying on the couch, feet resting on one arm rest, and his arms crossed behind his head on the other, with his head resting on his hands. And that is exactly what he saw as he got up the chair, glared at Magnus and left the room to talk to his son.

* * *

"So I heard you wrote about me," Alec said, closing the door behind him. Lewis was on his bed, with one of his textbooks laid out in front of him – he had to read something for school the next day. "In the who's-my-hero thing." Lewis didn't look up, only nodded. He didn't say anything. "Why did you choose to write about me, and not dad?" Alec still hadn't gotten used to Magnus being 'dad' now. Lewis had called Magnus papa, and Alec daddy.

Lewis shrugged, and still didn't look at him. "I don't know."

Alec nodded at sat down in the foot of the bed, where Lewis was still too short for his feet to reach. "Was it good? Did you have fun?"

"I got 18.9," Lewis said. He had given up on the textbook, but still wasn't looking at Alec or sitting up.

"That's great," Alec said, smiling a little. "I'm glad. Are your grades always that good?" He asked. Lewis' school didn't give the kids grades in the youngest classes, so he hadn't started by the time of Alec's crash. When they did start, they had gone straight to the 20-point system, where most primary schools only used a 10-point system. The 20-point system usually wasn't used before high school.

"Mostly," Lewis said. "I usually get between 15.7 and 19.2."

"So you do well in school. That's great. Do you and Jade do your home work together, or do you always do that when she's already left?"

"We do it together sometimes."

After that, neither of them said anything for a while. It was an awkward silence between them, something that had reigned when they were both in the room for the past few days since Alec got back. In an attempt to escape the awkwardness, Lewis returned to his textbook as if it was the most interesting book in the whole world, but Alec decided to talk to him then.

"Look," Alec began, then hesitated, not really sure what he was going to say. "I'm sorry all of this happened. I know it's been hard not having both your parents along, and if I could I would have-"

"I know, dad," Lewis said, quietly but loud enough to interrupt Alec. Alec looked at him.

"Right," Alec said. He worried his lip between his teeth, not really sure what to say anymore. "I know you've grown since then," he tried. "But I'd really like it if we could try being a family again, like we used to. If you want to, of course."

"Okay. We can do that."

"Yeah? Great." They sat in another awkward silence for a minute or two, before Alec got off the bed again. "I need to get some work done. I'm sorry for interrupting your homework, Lew."

"It's fine, dad."

"Right," Alec said, sighing. "Well, I'll see you a bit later."

* * *

When Alec entered the office again, Magnus was still in the same position as he had been when Alec had left. Only now, his face was turned against the ceiling, and his eyes were closed, and he looked so oddly peaceful, like nothing could touch him. Like everything was _perfect_, and nothing was going to ruin that.

"Magnus, I need to get some work done."

At that, Magnus opened his eyes and looked over at him with a smile, almost looking tired. "Yeah, I suppose you do. It's been ages since you kicked me out of the office because you needed to do work."

Alec smiled back at him. "I know. Now come on, I really need to get _something_ done today. If I don't get started again soon, I never will, you know me."

"Yeah," Magnus said, as he got up and off of the couch. He looked at Alec the entire time. "I know you. And I absolutely adore you."

Alec's smile widened and he went over to Magnus, placing both his hands at Magnus' chest and looking up at him. "I love you."

"I love you more."

"No, you don't. I love you. And you love me. Now go, so I can actually get something done without being distracted by you."

"I'm going to kiss you first."

"I'd be offended if you didn't."

Magnus smirked, leaned in, and kissed Alec softly. It wasn't a hungry kiss, it wasn't chaste, and it wasn't rushed. It was a kiss that made them feel like they could keep doing this forever, because being together was everything that mattered to them. It was just them, existing together, and fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle, a perfect fit for one another, even though they didn't look the same.

And neither of them could have wanted something different.

* * *

_**AN: Alright, seventh chapter done. **_

_**I'm sorry it took so long, but I've had a lot on my mind. I started working out every morning before school, had some essays to do, had a friend over for the weekend, got sick. Still am sick, actually, but I hope it'll pass soon. **_

_**I hope you like the chapter. Other than that, there's not really anything to say, so I'll go to bed. **_

_**I love you guys. Review and tell me if you liked it!**_

_**Lea**_


	8. Chapter 8

It had been three weeks, now, since they got back to their apartment. More often than not, Alec would wake up to an empty bed in the middle of the night, always soon after Magnus had gotten up. It was almost like he couldn't sleep comfortably without the safety of Magnus' arms wrapped around him. They both grew more and more tired and more and more irritated as time passed by.

On several nights, he would find Magnus crying. Sometimes he would be slouched over a sort of leather-bound journal with yellowed pages. Alec asked him about it on the first night he saw it, but it was obvious Magnus didn't want to talk about it. He'd shrug it off, change the subject, and pretend they'd never even talked about it, but Alec couldn't shake it. He didn't know if it was just his curiosity, but he _had_ to know. He had to.

Last night it had happened again. Alec had woken up, alone in the bed, the fairy lights above him turned on for some reason. He didn't bother thinking about it. It was enough. He had to know now. He had to know what was in that book. What was in that book? Why wouldn't Magnus tell him about it? What could possibly be so bad?

Alec had found him in one of the armchairs in the living room. The journal had been resting on the armrest, Magnus' legs pulled up under him and he had been writing in the journal. His reading glasses had been resting on the bridge of his nose. He had gotten reading classes a few years ago, but he only wore them when he was tired and he really needed them. Alec liked them. He looked beautiful in them. He always looked beautiful, though, so it wasn't new.

"Magnus, come back to bed," Alec had said. His voice had been rough from sleep, and he had known he sounded angry. Truth be told, he had been; he had been sick of waking up alone, sick of having things kept from him, sick of _not knowing_, sick of everything that had happened lately.

Magnus had looked up at him, before snapping the journal shut, and taking off his glasses. Alec had realised that Magnus had been crying. Again. It had taken some convincing, but after a while, Magnus had gone with him back to bed.

* * *

When he woke up this morning, the book had been hidden away again, out of sight. It was tiring beyond belief. So when Magnus had left with Lewis, to get him to school, and to go shopping afterwards, Alec had gotten obsessed. Until then, he had been convinced he would wait until Magnus told him himself. But he couldn't help it anymore.

He had found the journal underneath the mattress. Apparently, there was a pocket sewn into the mattress itself, easily large enough for the journal, and Alec had taken it out. Now he was sitting in his office, reading in it.

_May 2__nd__  
Alexander told me he was too good for me. Left me in the rain by myself. It's okay. It's not real. I love him. _

_May 10__th__  
Alec doesn't want me. He said he hates me. It's okay. I love him. It's not real. _

_May 11__th__  
He took Lewis. I love him. It's not real. _

_April 30__th__  
Alexander hit me. We were fighting, and he hit me. I love him. It's not real. _

_June 20__th__  
I don't know what to do without him. I miss him. It's all too real. _

_July 15__th__  
Nothing is real. It's _not_ real. He still loves me. He's out there. He has to be. I loved him. I miss him. _

_October 13__th__  
He's back. I love him. _

_October 25__th__  
They're back. Every night, they're back. I hate them. _

It took Alec a while to realise, but some of them were about nightmares Magnus had had. Some of the notes were longer, telling more detailed of what happened in his nightmares, but they were all about Alec. Every last one of them. About losing Alec, or Alec dying, or something happening to both Alec and Lewis. No wonder Magnus didn't want to talk about it – it tore his heart up. _And the nightmares were back_. But Magnus had pushed them aside, to deal with Alec's nightmares and Alec's challenges with being back.

He flipped through the last pages, reading about them. He'd had nightmares almost every night since Alec got back. He dropped the book onto the desk, and covered his eyes with his hands. He didn't know what he was going to do. He couldn't pretend he didn't know about the nightmares, but he couldn't tell Magnus how he had been obsessed with finding it, and how his curiousness had gotten the better of him. He _couldn't_.

He was saved the trouble of deciding, though, because right then, the door to his office opened, and Alec looked up. It was Magnus, of course it was. Who else was it going to be? Magnus didn't move. He was staring at Alec, and the journal, and he didn't move.

Alec looked down. "I'm sorry," he whispered, staring down into the journal. "I just, I needed to, I needed to know-"

Magnus hadn't made a sound, but all of a sudden, the book was snatched out of Alec's sight. "I didn't think you were this desperate, Alexander," he said. His voice was sort of threatening, but it wasn't meant to be scary. "You weren't supposed to know."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Alec asked, looking up at him. "God, I've been so selfish, I didn't think that you might be having nightmares too, God, I'm so sorry Maggie-"

"Save it," Magnus said, leaving the office, and leaving Alec to look after him like a lost puppy, because he really, really didn't know what to do.

* * *

Magnus didn't hide the book after that. He put it on the nightstand – _"If you're that desperate, here. Read all you want. I just thought I could trust you." _– and it felt like he was mocking Alec. It felt like he was saying that he couldn't hold back. But was he really that wrong? Alec had become obsessed with discovering what was in the book, just because Magnus hadn't wanted him to.

He kept apologizing, but it didn't help at all. Somehow, it seemed like Magnus got angrier and angrier every time Alec apologized, but he didn't know what else to do. He needed Magnus to know that he hadn't meant to be that selfish, but who was he to say that? He had been selfish right from the beginning, not caring if Magnus had nightmares too. He'd only asked when he found Magnus crying, and then he had gotten angry because Magnus didn't want to tell him about it.

"I don't know what you want me to do," Alec said. He was sitting in the couch in the living room, and Magnus was in the same arm chair he had found him in a few nights ago.

Magnus looked up at him, and then looked to the television again. He was watching some fashion show Alec didn't care about. "I don't want you to do anything, Alexander," Magnus finally said. "I wanted to trust you, but I guess that's not happening any time soon."

"You _can_ trust me," Alec said, staring at him.

"Apparently not. Don't bother, Alexander, it's_ fine_. Now can I watch this?"

"No!" Alec exclaimed. He sat up straight and looked at Magnus. "I want you to trust me. You _did_ trust me, and I'm sorry I did this, but it was _one_ thing, so why is it so bad?"

"Because it was private, Alec! Normally, I'll tell you everything with a little persuasion, but I didn't do that this time, so don't you think you should have stayed out of it?"

"I told you I was sorry," Alec said, slouching back into the couch. He was pouting. "I know I should have stayed out of it, and I said I'm sorry. When are you going to forgive me?"

"When I feel like I can trust you again."

Alec got up from the couch without saying anymore. He went into his office, sat by his desk, and started writing. Because what else was he going to do?

* * *

"Are you gonna come out and watch a movie with me?" Magnus asked, leaning on the door frame with his arms crossed and looking at Alec.

"I don't think so," Alec said, still typing with one hand and with an apple in the other hand. "You don't trust me, remember? So why would you want to?"

"Because I love you, Alexander. Come on, you can even decide what movie we watch. I'll go get some of your favorite snacks while you decide?"

"No thanks. I'm good."

"Please Ale-"

"I'm working."

Magnus sighed and nodded. When Alec used the "I'm working"-card, there was nothing to do to make him change his mind. "Okay. If you change your mind, I'll be reading in the bedroom."

Alec nodded and took a bite of his apple, not answering Magnus. Magnus sighed again and left the office.

* * *

Three hours had gone by when Magnus appeared in the door to the office again. Alec knew it wasn't long before he was leaving to pick up Lewis, but he couldn't be leaving already, could he?

"Lewis has been asking if we could go to the cinema and see this new kids' movie. I was thinking we could go today," Magnus said, looking at him. Alec didn't look back at him.

"Yeah, sure. Go."

"Don't you wanna come with us?"

"No thanks. I'm good."

Magnus sighed, but decided not to push it. He had obviously pushed Alec too far by telling him he didn't trust him. "Fine," he said. "Can I get you anything first?"

"No," Alec said. He still wasn't looking at him. Magnus walked over to him, put his hand on Alec's shoulder and gently massaged him. Alec shook his hand off of him.

"I love you, Alexander," Magnus said, quietly, and he didn't wait for the reply before he left. He was so tired of fighting.

* * *

_**AN: Hello there. **_

_**For the few of you who also follow my SPN fic, I'm sorry! I know I said this would be up saturday or sunday, but an essay and school got in the way of finishing it, but here it is, so it's not too late. **_

_**I hope you like it. Review? That'd be lovely. **_

_**Lea**_


	9. Chapter 9

Alec had slept in his office for the past two days. He didn't talk to Magnus if he could get out of it. Magnus tried his best, though. Alec had to give him that. He would ask Alec small things he had to answer, even if it was just a "no", "yes", or an "I don't know". It didn't matter what it was. He just needed to hear Alec's voice.

Magnus had slept in the bed, like usually, but he couldn't sleep properly without Alec by his side. The nightmares got worse, and he'd wake up several times, and since he'd started keeping the journal next to the bed, all he had to do was turn on the lamp, get the journal and the pen always there, and write. Some nights he'd have written in it several times; the most was five so far.

Alec only came out for food and to go to the bathroom every now and then, and always after checking whether or not Magnus was out there. It was so obvious he was avoiding him, and Magnus just couldn't take it.

"Aren't you going to talk to me?" Magnus asked. He was standing in the kitchen, and Alec walked in with the same air of indifference he had taken upon himself through the past week during their fight. Alec had probably gone out there for food. It bothered Magnus that he could see Alec had lost weight in such a short time.

"That wasn't the plan, no," Alec said, opening the fridge and looking for something he wanted.

"I miss you," Magnus tried. "I can't sleep properly without you."

"Well, that's hardly my problem, is it? I wasn't supposed to know about it, remember?"

Magnus sighed heavily, leaning backwards against one wall. "I can't believe you're making such a big deal out of this."

Alec straightened himself, snapping the fridge shut and facing Magnus. "Out of _this_? You mean you telling me you don't trust me? Right, because that's nothing at all."

"Alec, it's been a week-"

"Things like this don't just disappear in a fucking week, Magnus! How dumb can you be? _God_."

"I can't believe you."

Alec stared at him for a moment. Magnus had crossed his arms over his chest and was leaning against the wall, looking at him. His brows were furrowed in anger, but his eyes were ice cold.

"No, you know what? Don't you _dare_ be angry with me. You don't _get_ to be angry with me for loving you, or for worrying about my _husband_, and wanting to know why you were up every night crying!" by the end, Alec was yelling at him, but he didn't step closer. Right now he wanted distance between the two of them; he didn't even want to look at Magnus. He left the kitchen, and went into his office. He couldn't handle seeing anyone right now.

And it wasn't long before he hated himself for yelling at Magnus, especially because Lewis was home.

* * *

"I've had Katja pick up Lewis. He's going to Jade's. Can we talk?"

"I'd rather not talk to you."

Magnus sighed, leaning against the door frame. He was standing in the door to the office, one hand on the doorknob, and the other on the back of his elbow. "Come on. Please."

Alec sighed heavily, as if it was a burden to even talk to him, but closed his laptop lid and spun the chair to look at Magnus. He leaned back in the chair, like he expected Magnus to begin. And so he did.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about them," Magnus said.

"You should have told me, Magnus."

"I know," he said, walking into the room and closer to Alec, "and I'm sorry. I just didn't want to burden you."

"Burden me?" Alec said, his voice sounding a bit on edge. No, not on edge, Magnus realised. _Mocking. _Alec raised an eyebrow, keeping his eyes on Magnus.

Magnus nodded with a sigh. "You just got out of a coma; I didn't want to worry you. And as time passed, it just felt odd to tell you, so I kept it to myself."

"I knew what I signed up for when I married you. I would be prepared to give my life to protect you, and you can't even tell me about your nightmares?"

"I know," Magnus said, sitting down on the edge of one side of Alec's desk. "I know. And I really am sorry. I thought I was doing what was best for you."

Alec was still leaning back in his chair. He looked out the window. "Well, maybe you should let me decide what's best for me. I'm thirty-seven; I think I know how to take care of myself properly."

"Don't give me that," Magnus almost hissed. Alec jerked his head to look at him again for a second, before he collected himself. "I married you. That means I get to take care of you, and-"

"And that _I _get to take care of _you_! Don't use that argument when I'm apparently not allowed to worry about you at all, not even calm you down after a nightmare. I'd want nothing more than to take care of you and Lewis for my entire life, but _you won't let me_!"

Magnus looked at him when he jumped up from the chair. He didn't say anything, just kept quiet and watched Alec as he started pacing around the room.

Eventually, he got up and over to Alec, standing in front of him and taking his hands, stopping him. He let go of his hands and put his arms around Alec, hushing him quietly, and Alec let him. He was still angry at him, but it felt good to be back in his arms. He needed it more than he had even known. He put his own arms around Magnus' waist.

"I hate fighting with you," Alec said quietly, just loud enough so that Magnus could hear it. His voice broke, though, and he was crying. Not sobbing, just crying – it was just the tears, running quietly down his cheeks. "But when you get like this, I don't know what to do. I just wish you'd talk to me about these things sometimes."

"I know, baby. I'm sorry."

"I don't want to lose you. I love you."

"I know, honey, I know. I love you too."

Alec closed his eyes and leaned his head against Magnus' chest. He wanted to say more, but he didn't want to ruin the moment. He figured he should just wait, or maybe not say anything at all. He could just end up messing everything up even worse, and he didn't want to do that. So he just kept quiet and started calming down as he listened to the sound of Magnus' heart beating.

* * *

"Morning, beautiful," was the first thing Alec heard when he woke up the next morning. In fact, that was what had woken him up. He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Magnus who was standing in the doorway. It couldn't be that late, Alec never slept late, but that would mean Magnus had gotten up way earlier than usual. Alec glanced at the clock – it was only 5:30am. He yawned and sat up.

"Morning. What are you doing up?"

He noticed the two mugs in Magnus' hands as Magnus walked over to him and sat down next to him. Magnus handed him a mug, and he was immediately overwhelmed by the smell of coffee. He took a sip, but almost spit it out – he had burned his tongue. He put the mug on the night stand, next to Magnus' journal.

"I was thinking we could get up early and do something together. Go have breakfast together somewhere, just spend the day together."

"Well, yeah, but… 5:30?"

"Oh come on. I woke up about half an hour ago, and I couldn't fall asleep again, so I was just staring at you, which is pretty damn creepy, so I got up and made us coffee. You can go back to sleep if you'd like. It doesn't have to be now."

Alec took the coffee again, and took another sip. It was still burning hot, but it had cooled off slightly. "You woke me up at 5:30, with coffee, to tell me I can just go back to sleep?"

Magnus stuck out his tongue at him, but laughed. "Well, you go back to sleep, then, you grumpy old man," he joked, and then stayed quiet for a moment. "I wanted to see your eyes and talk to you, tell you I love you."

Alec couldn't help but smile and looked him in the eyes. Years ago, he would have blushed at that, but ever since he had gotten together with Magnus so long ago, he had gotten more used to stuff like that. "I love you too, Maggie. I really missed you this last week, you know."

"I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry I said I don't trust you, I _do_ trust you, and it's a horrible thing to say. I overreacted."

"Hey," Alec said; his voice low and soothing. He took Magnus' coffee out of his hands and put the two mugs on the nightstand again, and turned back to Magnus. He took his hands and looked him in the eye, giving him a comforting smile. "Let's not talk about that, okay? I just want to be with you, and forget that it happened at all. Can we do that?"

Magnus smiled a bit. "Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. Now, will you _please_ go somewhere and have breakfast with me? I need to watch you actually eat something. You've lost weight over the last week, and I'm not sure I like it."

Alec rolled his eyes, but laughed shortly before getting up and dragging Magnus with him to the bathroom where he stripped off their clothing while kissing him, so they could take a shower together for the first time in years. Neither of them could stop smiling before they were out and dressed and sitting at a 24-hour café by 7am. The shower had taken longer than first anticipated.

* * *

_**AN:**_

_**Alright, 9th chapter down. **_

_**I'm sorry it's taken so long, I really am - I had a book to read for a paper for school, and then I had to write the 8-page paper and shit. So yeah. That took a while.**_

_**And then I had quite a block on this chapter, and considering that, I'm okay with how it turned out. Yay. **_

_**I hope you liked it. Review, maybe? I'd love it if you would. **_

_**Lea**_


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